Wedding Planning: Smart Ways To Include Your Groom

There will be a staggering 2.24 million weddings in the United States in 2023 – a 62.5% increase since 2020. After the excitement of getting engaged settles down, you’ll soon find it’s time to start planning your wedding. And it’s not uncommon for one partner to dive in and be more involved in the process than the other. If this is the case for you, it’s essential to prioritize intelligent ways of getting your groom involved in wedding planning. Hence, you both feel like you’re sharing the responsibility equally. Fortunately, by putting into practice several beneficial steps, you can help your fiance feel like it’s his wedding, too, while strengthening the foundation of your relationship. 

Maintain open lines of communication

Effective communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship, particularly when planning a wedding together. In fact, in one study published in Couple Family Psychology, over 70% of couples said too much conflict and arguing was the reason for their eventual divorce. Learning to communicate together now effectively can ensure you can resolve conflicts smoothly and pave the way for better understanding between you and your spouse in the coming years. So, for example, if your fiance isn’t taking on his fair share of the wedding planning, let him know. There’s no point in getting angry with or feeling resentful toward him while he has no idea there’s even a problem. People also often make the mistake of assuming their spouse can read their minds. However, it’s important to remember that no matter how long you’ve known each other, no one can tell what’s going on with you if you don’t spell it out for them. Once you communicate your feelings to your fiance, he may tell you he’s happy to get involved and didn’t realize you felt like you did.

Moreover, he may even have a specific reason for not involving himself, and now you can both discuss it. For instance, maybe he doesn’t understand all the elements involved in wedding planning. Now, you have the perfect opportunity to walk him through your to-do list, so he can note anything he’d like to take over.  

In particular, active listening is critical here; listen to what your spouse is trying to tell you. So, when conversing, put aside distractions, like your phone, laptop, or book, and give your partner your full attention. It’s also important not to keep interrupting, and instead, show interest and empathy when appropriate and ask your spouse probing questions to understand better where they’re coming from. Also, pay attention to non-verbal body language that can help reveal how your partner feels. Make a point to encourage and uplift your partner as much as possible.  

Moreover, you may even want to carve out scheduled times for a designated wedding chat regularly. For example, maybe you agree to talk about wedding planning over dinner every Monday evening – this way, it won’t feel like your wedding’s all you ever talk about. Knowing the conversation’s going to occur also prevents your fiance from feeling like you’re springing a serious discussion onto them without warning. Additionally, keeping wedding planning talk to certain times means you still have plenty of time to be a couple and enjoy your relationship together – free from the stress of wedding planning.

Set healthy boundaries 

Healthy communication also involves setting boundaries – another essential element in wedding planning. So, for instance, maybe you’ve agreed that just one of you will be responsible for most of the planning. Yet, in this case, it’s still essential to talk about exactly how involved the other person wants to be. You’ll need to discuss whether it’s ever okay for you to decide without consulting the other. Perhaps your fiance is okay with you going ahead and booking vendors of your own volition, for example. Discussing essential boundaries like these will ensure you’re both on the same page and involved as much as you are happy to be.  

You and your partner must also agree to respect and uphold any boundaries put in place. That said, it’s also worth noting the traditional way of thinking about boundaries doesn’t work for everyone. Boundaries don’t automatically make a relationship better. This is one of the most common myths about healthy marriage boundaries. For example, in an argument, telling your partner they’re crossing your boundary because you don’t like their tone may not always elicit a positive, apologetic response – people tend to get defensive when criticized in such a way. Instead, let your partner know how they’ve spoken to you is hurtful without directly criticizing them (a simple “ouch!” may suffice). 

Make the process as fun as possible

Planning a wedding is rarely easy. In a recent Zola survey, 40% of couples considered wedding planning “extremely stressful.” In comparison, 71% said it’s even more overwhelming than other key life events like securing a new job. So, prioritize joy and fun with your fiance as much as possible amid wedding planning. For example, consider some of your responsibilities, like cake tastings, cocktail designing, or venue scouting, as an opportunity to go on a particular date together. This way, you can inject romance and excitement into wedding planning rather than thinking of each routine task as something that must be crossed off your to-do list. Designing the menu is the most enjoyable part of wedding planning and often the easiest way to get the groom enthusiastic about the job. Remember that the entire menu – from the cocktail hour to the main course – should be created based on your tastes. Tastings are fun events to attend together and a chance to unleash your inner foodies and create some delicious options for your big day. And, remember, keep the wedding planning process as light-hearted as possible. If one of you makes a mistake (something bound to happen at least once), allow yourself to maintain a sense of humour about it – without being mean-spirited, of course!

Similarly, you can arrange cozy nights together and crack open a bottle of wine while doing essential tasks like finalizing your seating plan and addressing your wedding invitations. Moreover, scheduling regular dates with your spouse is something you should continue to do well into your marriage – spending quality time together is a meaningful way to cultivate a strong relationship and enjoy a fun and fulfilling life with your other half. Spending this time together can also help you better understand your differences and therefore allow you to navigate the potential conflicts they may cause more quickly. 

Come up with a wedding budget together

The average wedding in the United States now costs as much as $28,964, Investopedia reveals. You may already know how much your wedding will cost, especially if you’ve been dreaming in detail about this day for years. But your fiance, on the other hand, may be entirely new to the world of wedding budgets. Hence, price shock when booking a wedding can be a common groom experience. So, before you get down into the nitty-gritty details of wedding planning, it’s essential to determine a realistic wedding budget you both agree on. Remember that money is often a fundamental cause of conflict in relationships and was found to be the leading cause of separation for 40% of divorced couples. So, deciding on a wedding budget now can help ensure your relationship is built on a solid money foundation that lasts into the future. You’ll need to invest a fair amount of research to develop a realistic budget. For example, compare and contrast various vendors and venues to understand the price range. You can also create a joint email address, conveniently letting you stay on top of all wedding correspondence. Once you’ve settled on a budget together, you can take over vendor and venue communication if it’s more your thing. However, at least now your fiance will understand precisely how much your wedding costs and, more importantly, why it costs as much as it does.  

Wedding planning can be stressful and all-encompassing, and something that comes more naturally to one partner than the other. By implementing intelligent ways to involve your fiance in the planning, you can keep the process enjoyable as possible while also helping ensure your relationship thrives into the long term. 

Summary: Involve Your Groom in Wedding Planning

• Maintain open lines of communication to ensure both partners feel involved and share the responsibility equally.
• Practice active listening, show interest, and ask probing questions to understand your partner’s perspective better.
• Carve out scheduled times for wedding planning discussions to prevent overwhelming your fiance and maintain a balanced relationship.
• Set healthy boundaries by discussing the level of involvement each partner desires and respecting agreed-upon decisions.
• Prioritize fun and enjoyment in the planning process by turning tasks into opportunities for dates and shared experiences.
• Create a wedding budget together to avoid surprises and potential financial conflicts.
• Research vendors and venues to understand price ranges and communicate the wedding costs to your fiance effectively.
• By implementing these strategies, you can ensure a more enjoyable and balanced wedding planning experience while nurturing your relationship for the long term.

FAQ: Ideas to Involve Your Partner in Wedding Planning

How can I communicate with my groom effectively about wedding planning?

Maintaining open lines of communication is essential. Talk to your fiance about your feelings and expectations regarding his involvement. Avoid assuming that he can read your mind. Schedule designated times for wedding-related discussions to ensure it doesn’t dominate all your conversations. Listen to your partner, show interest, and ask probing questions to understand his perspective.

How do I set healthy boundaries when involving my groom in wedding planning?

Discuss and agree on boundaries with your partner. Determine the level of involvement he desires and whether certain decisions can be made independently. Make sure both of you respect and uphold the agreed-upon boundaries. Avoid using boundaries as criticism during arguments; instead, communicate how your partner’s actions made you feel without directly criticizing them.

What are some ways to make the wedding planning process enjoyable for both of us?

Inject fun and joy into planning by turning routine tasks into romantic dates. Consider activities like cake tastings, cocktail designing, or venue scouting as opportunities to spend quality time together. Maintain a light-hearted approach and maintain a sense of humour if mistakes occur. Plan cozy nights with a bottle of wine for essential tasks like finalizing seating plans and addressing invitations.

How can we come up with a wedding budget together?

Before diving into wedding planning, determine a realistic budget you agree on. Research various vendors and venues to understand the price range. Creating a joint email address can help you stay organized with wedding correspondence. Once you’ve settled on a budget, communicate the costs and reasons behind them to your fiance. This will help him understand and appreciate the financial aspects of your wedding.

Why is it important to involve my groom in wedding planning?

By involving your groom in the wedding planning process, you ensure both partners share the responsibility equally, strengthening the foundation of your relationship. It promotes open communication, respect for boundaries, and having fun together. Including your groom also helps him understand the wedding’s financial aspects and overall vision, fostering a deeper connection and shared experience.